For the last four years, I’ve been working on a project called “Married Man Sex Life” or MMSL for short. There’s a book, a great blog and a cool online forum. The book sold so well that even as a first time writer, I managed to quit my job and write full-time. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to write a book and quit your job, it’s really quite lovely.
The goal of MMSL is to help men to find ways to jump start their sex lives and reclaim their marriages. The concept was rather than directly focusing on the sex as a goal, I taught them ways to be stronger and better men. Then as they became better men, their wives would find them more attractive. Once they were attractive, getting some sexy time with their wife would be so much easier. It worked really well. Many happier guys, saved marriages, intact families, affairs headed off at the pass and so on.
To my surprise, even though MMSL aimed directly at men, the fact that my advice works so well resulted in an influx of women wanting help too. Both men and women struggle with their relationships and sex lives. Over time MMSL has become increasingly co-ed and 90% of my advice works the same for women as it does for men. Become more sexually attractive and you’ll get a better sexual response.
Sounds simple right? Well almost…
I’ve discovered two basic problems with MMSL that led to this book.
Problem #1 Structural Attraction
MMSL wasn’t working for everyone. It was working amazingly well for about half of my readers, some degree of positive for the rest and a tiny handful said it made things worse.
As an example, one of the things I suggested in MMSL was the “Ten Second Kiss” move. Half the men would tell me that it worked amazingly well and their wives just melted into them, while the other half would say that it didn’t work at all, or only worked one time.
After thousands of email exchanges and tracking the over 1750 forum members’ experiences, I’ve discovered that the quality of the relationship really stems from the overall structural attraction between the couple. Thus, a physically fit guy with a good job trying out the Ten Second Kiss gets a great result, while an obese, unemployed guy trying the Ten Second Kiss is a little creepy.
This book is more about fixing the structural attraction issues, than fancy moves to trick her panties off. Likewise, if you really need to get your husband to the doctor, you can only trick him with a bra made of bacon once to get him there.
Problem #2 Unintentional Benefits
When I started MMSL, my sole purpose was to get married guys laid. Then the women came and they got happier marriages too. All good.
Then it started getting weird.
People would start writing to me about how much weight they had lost. This was cool, because I told everyone that hitting the gym was a good idea to become more attractive. I’d get email from people saying they lost 10 pounds, 20, 30, 40, 60, 80… then one guy wrote me and said he’d lost 120 pounds and had managed to come off his diabetes medication.
Wait. What? I didn’t write a book about beating diabetes.
Along with the weight loss stories, I also started getting emails about people finally getting promotions at work, increasing sales numbers, getting a new job for more money, one guy said he TRIPLED his annual income.
Okay, that’s fabulous, but I didn’t write a book about making more money.
I’ve also had dozens of emails about people getting on better with their same sex friends, co-workers and parents. The boss at work is suddenly a lot nicer. In addition, the kids now behave better too.
Well, I did write a little bit about parenting, but it’s still better results than I honestly expected.
Want more? I know of two of my readers that went back to school and “finally got their doctorates”. A fair number of people reported coming off psych meds, and nearly everyone mentions some variant on being happier, more confident and more relaxed about life.
Not for nothing, but if someone could write a book about how to get laid, lose weight, make more money, have the kids behave better and just be all around happier, well that would be an amazing book and they would probably do very well for themselves.
I realize that sounds rather selfish, but it’s not. What I want is to be in a positive feedback loop where the more people I help, the more money I make and the more money I make, the more people I can help.
Sending positive energy out into the world and having it come back as an income source is a side effect and side effects are very important.
Then it hit me. The positive side effects kept happening all the time and to everyone. What I was seeing as unintentional benefits, were really the intentional side effects each individual person wanted. I had the answer!
Solution #1 Energy Side Effects
Getting the love, sex and happiness you want are the side effects of having high personal energy.
You cannot directly gain love, sex and happiness. In fact, the harder you work on trying to become loved, sexed and happy, the worse things tend to get. The greater your sense of need, the lower your personal energy is and the harder you push love, sex and happiness from your life.
If you look for love, you will not find it. If you seek out sex, you will not get the sex you want. If you try to be happy, happiness will elude you. The more you want to be loved, sexed and happy, the less loved, sexed and happy you are. The more you focus negative emotion and frustration at a personal problem, the harder it becomes to resolve. Your negative energy makes the situation worse.
The good news though, is there are direct ways to increase your personal energy. Once you have that in place, the side effects of love, sex and happiness start to happen. In addition, you already know what most of those things you need to do are. I’m just here to connect the dots so you see the big picture and guide you on your way.
Oh and there are no magic crystals, tin-foil hats or incantations you’ll be saying. You will have to clean your room and go to the gym though. There will still be laundry that needs doing.
Solution #2 Energy Comes in Sets
If you pay close attention, you’ll start noticing that many seemingly unrelated events link together in a loose set. An example of sets could be something like:
High school, living with parents, first girlfriend, crappy car, burger flipper.
College, living in a dorm, more serious girlfriend, cheap car, internship.
First real job, apartment, cohabiting, nice leased car, graduate studies.
Promotion at work, house, married, new car, completing graduate study.
In the example sets above, as soon as you get your first real job making decent money, suddenly you can afford moving into an apartment. Once you’re in an apartment, that makes having someone move in with you possible. Then with shared income you can afford a better car. Then you’re encouraged to keep going to school part-time. It all comes as a set.
While that passage to upward mobility is easy to understand, it’s harder to see that even at a particular phase of your life, you have positive and negative energy sets at work. Example:
Dead sex life, broke, messy house, serious health issues, depression.
Poor sex life, scraping by, untidy house, minor health issues, unhappy.
Good sex life, saving some money, clean house, good health, happy.
Great sex life, excess income, house cleaners, excellent health, joyous.
Here’s a time management / success set example:
No goals, lacking priorities, no work, anxiety.
Hazy goals, poor priorities, pointless work, stress.
Clear goals, set priorities, sustaining work, calm.
Motivating goals, clear priorities, meaningful work, confidence.
All it takes is one of those factors in a different energy set to come into play and it makes all the other factors in that set more likely to happen. That factor can be a positive one or a negative one too, there’s nothing like a job loss (a negative factor) to create marriage stress (a second negative factor) which turns into depression (a third negative factor).
This effect explains why people reported to me that all manner of positive things happened in their lives. There was in retrospect a lot of the “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” effect between them having lost weight, making more money, fixing some other issue and their sex life coming together. As they fixed one area of their life, other areas started clicking into place to match the more positive energy set.
Solution #3 Don’t Force the Problem
The concepts of (1) things being resolved as a side effect and (2) energy coming in sets, leads to (3) not trying to force a solution to your primary problem. Instead, you work on raising your overall energy levels to the next set and use the assistance of the higher energy set to help solve your primary problem.
By not focusing negative energy on the primary problem, you actually experience less negative energy and start to feel a little better. If your problem was not enough sex for example, instead of stewing in a rage that sex wasn’t happening, you could go work on other areas of your life. You could go to the gym and work out, fix the house, start a hobby and so on, all things that were going to raise your personal energy levels.
Then once your energy levels are higher and you’re less needy about sex, very likely the sex starts to come far more easily without much additional effort.
It’s the same effect with people who struggle to lose weight. Their entire life can be about trying to lose weight, what they are eating, what they are not eating, what diet plan works, what clothes fit or don’t, how they feel bad about the weight and on and on endlessly.
Instead, they’d be better off mindfully seeking to improve their whole life. They could start by cleaning the house really well, making some new friends, starting a hobby, helping out in a community group, generally exercising and finding ways to save money. Then come back to the weight issue with greater positive energy.
It doesn’t matter what you work on, just as long as you are doing something positive to improve your overall energy levels.
Solution #4 Mindful Attraction
Being mindful is a way of living where you become conscious of yourself as being an active participant in your own life. There are three parts to this.
The Past: You see the past not as something that happened to you, but as something you helped create by your own actions. You see the past as something that informs you of who you are, but does not define who you are.
The Future: You see the future as something that will not simply happen to you, but as something you can influence by your own actions. That being said, you become so confident of your own ability to be attractive, that you do not set your heart on any one version of the future. Once you are more attractive, you’re likely to have a better future than you can possibly plan for now.
The Present: The past is already gone and the future never really comes, the only thing you really experience is right now. Focus on what is happening right now and how you can live positively right now. Learn to gain enjoyment from being fully present and performing attraction building actions in the moment.
It’s not that getting there is half the fun, it’s that you never really get there anyway, so all the joy is in the journey.
The Mindful Attraction Plan
Tying those four solutions together is the Mindful Attraction Plan, a.k.a. “The MAP”.
I’m going to teach you about working on six key areas of your life that are going to raise your energy levels and bring happiness into your life as a side effect of that energy. The six areas of your life are:
(1) Your physical health and fitness
(2) Your money and material possessions
(3) Your ability to attract the opposite sex
(4) Your ability to make people feel loved
(5) Your personality, fun and dreams
(6) Your experience of sexuality
The second half of the book describes a very specific set of steps to bust through intolerable blockages in your life. If you have a truly toxic partner, terrible work environment, dysfunctional parent or something of a similar level of stress, this part of the book is for you.
I want to be honest though, I’m not offering a quick fix here. Some of this stuff might take several months or even years to resolve the way you want it to, but I can promise that if you apply yourself, it will work. The bigger the hole you’ve dug for yourself, the longer it will take.
As thousands of my readers can attest, when they ran their MAP solely to try to improve the sex in their marriage, their entire life got better.
This isn’t a gimmick; this is already a proven plan of action, it just takes time.
And in line with my no gimmicks approach, instead of this being some crazy priced eBook for $97 dollars, “on sale” for just 24 hours at $49…
This is an actual book on Amazon.com with a proper price.
So you have NO EXCUSES!
Buy the book and get started changing your life!